Dear Pancreas:

Contrary to popular belief, I have not been destroyed by your minions. This battle isn't over yet.


Monday, April 1, 2013

You can come after me if you want, diabetes, but it will be the last thing you do. I promise you that.

Alarms have been my new thing.  Suggested to me, to snap me out of whatever land I may be in at the time a blood sugar is needed.  

And one of those alarms, is this blog's title (minus the diabetes, of course).

So I got to thinking on my walk today, about said title phrase, and the various news stories I've heard about how many cancer patients have a fighting mentality about cancer.  They're going beat it.  Fight it. Own it.  Insert creative adjective here.  There have even been reports of patients getting PTSD from this fighting mentality.

And then I got to thinking about my diabetes, and if this mentality would work for me as well.

And the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was a different type of fight and the same type of fight, all in one.

In one sense, you would have to fight till the death, but in another sense you don't win by curing yourself, you win because you didn't get complications.

And perhaps, diabetes burn out, results from constantly fighting the good fight.  Fight Fight Fight Fight with no let up.  And if you put your guard down for one day, one hour, one millisecond... you're on the ground.

So mentally, how do you address diabetes in a way that doesn't totally suck the life out of you, but that also makes you a stick in the mud?

More and more, I think of diabetes being more like Parkinson's Disease (my dad has it).  I watch how, if he doesn't get the doses exactly right, he will get the side effects of the drugs (intense shaking).

I watch how it slows him down both mentally and physically.  Parkison's, is another disease you just can't ignore unless you want to be on the ground (so to speak).  (I'm sure there are a lot of diseases that come in this fashion).

And he has to set a variety of alarms to remind him to take certain pills, and if he forgets, things go haywire.  But where his effects are immediate, ours are more insidious.

You know the consequences are coming.  You don't know when and you don't know how, but you know they are coming.....

My name is Boyd Crowder.  You can come after me if you want, but it will be the last thing you do.  I promise you that.  

In the long run, how realistically, can we maintain a Boyd Crowder stance?  For a Justified (tv show) stand point, Diabetes, is like the law chasing after Boyd constantly waiting to catch him in the act.  And sometimes he is caught.

At one point Boyd has an interesting exchange with Raylan:
Boyd: What brings you to my house?
Raylan: Oh, this is your house now?
Boyd: Why, yes, prison is my home.
And how would that look with diabetes and yourself?

Boyd: What brings you to my house?
Diabetes: Oh, this is your house now?
Boyd: Why, yes, prison is my home.

Maybe we don't break free from Diabetes?
But maybe accepting this, gives us more power?

We know, that sooner or later, we will get out of our rut.  We'll put up the good Boyd challenge.  But when we let our guard down, and get caught, maybe we need the same Boyd mentality.

To shrug the fact that sure, diabetes won today, but it won't everyday.


Saturday, March 30, 2013

Friday, March 29, 2013

Remember The Name

I have come to the following conclusions about diabetes management and myself:

  1. I will not test my blood unless my meter is ON MY BODY. 
  2. I will not remember to do follow up blood tests, or even be inclined to do them, unless I set my phone to go off. 
  3. I will not have my snacks if I don't have an alarm that goes off. 

My alarm that goes off is the theme to the TV show Justified, because I've become a fan of Boyd Crowder, and well....   I sometimes feel as nutty as he does, when:
  1. My blood sugar isn't doing what it should do.
  2. I'm counting everything right, but it's still being evil
  3. I'm feeling less human and more bionic 

Alarms, are my savior. Or, at least one of my saviors.  Because I hyperfocus so much on certain things, work, internet, youtube, work, ANYTHING ACCEPT DIABETES MANAGEMENT, that the alarm snaps me out of fantasy land and makes me THINK for a few seconds about blood sugar management and then, after that 5 second test is done, I can go back to whatever was distracting me at that moment.   

For the time being it's working.  

I am thinking, I need to make an arm sleeve that would have elastic hoops in it, which would carry my blood sugar meter, poker and strips on.....  I realize this would already cause people to look at me like I belong in the mental ward.... which on some days, I think I do belong there, but.... I know myself.  I know, that if my reminder goes off to test my blood and I am upstairs, and my meter is not within that area, you can forget about me testing my blood. This is the hard but honest truth. 

I'm finally wearing my scanner again-- although, unless you want to tell every nosy person on the planet what it is, don't place it on your arm....   although, I might, and then make stuff up about what it really is....  

"It's a tracker the FBI implanted in me."
"It's an alien pea pod"
"It's my device to blow shit up with" (Boyd reference)  [and just to clarify, NO, I don't want to blow shit up LITERALLY]

It's amazing the odd looks you get, if you really let your sensor be visible to the public.  (Stay away from that chick.... somethin' ain't right.) 

On that note, should I make an arm sleeve that carries my meter, I will post pictures.... 

In the meantime, here is a Boyd Crowder video.... heaven forbid, he ever have to test his blood sugar!